Friday funny

hey i'll have to try that.... gotta push the limits...

thurday night friday funny

I got this in an e-mail today, I had to share because I sure busted a gut!!!!

Today is International Disadvantaged People's Day.
Please send an encouraging message to a retarded friend, just as I've done.
I don't care if you lick windows, interfere with farm animals, vote liberal or occasionally crap yourself.......You hang in there Sunshine, You're freaking special...

Blind Salesman

A woman goes into Myers to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's
birthday.

She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes
over to the counter.

The Myers salesman is standing there, wearing dark shades.

She says, "Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod
and reel?"

He says, "Madam, I'm completely blind; but, if you'll drop on the
counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from
the sound it makes."

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway. He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco
404 reel and 10-lb.Test line. It's a good all around combination,
and it's on sale this week for $44."

She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the
sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens
her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

"Oh, that sounds like a Visa card,"he says.

As the lady bends down to pick up the card, she accidentally farts.

At first she is really embarrassed but then realizes there is no
way the blind salesman could tell it was she who had farted.

The salesman rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $58.50 please."

The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell
me It was on sale for $44. How did you get to $58.50?"

"The Duck Caller is $11 and the Fish Bait is $3.50."

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo
toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for
her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's
door.

The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new
employee.

He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing
up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2
men march down to the factory floor.

When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me
Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile
up.

At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me
Elmo's.

She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric,
wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little

package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.

After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and
approaches Lena.

"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but
I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...
Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."

nice "new tickle me elmo is banned from sales because of his marbles "

I'll probably get in trouble for this one but here it goes anyways........

WWIII

President Bush and Donald Rumsfeld are sitting in a bar.

A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Rumsfeld sitting over there?"

The bartender says, "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor! . What are you guys doing here?"

Bush says, "We're planning WW III."

The guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Muslims and one blonde with big breasts.

The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big breasts? Why kill a blonde with big breasts?"

Bush turns to Rumsfeld and says, "See, I told you, no one gives a darn about the 140 million Muslims".