A funeral

2296 Views 21 Replies 14 Participants Last post by MX-Z Man, 13 d ago

Saluda

Discussion Starter · Sep 22, 2020 (Edited by Moderator)

Was just solely responsible for a funeral of a family member, a first for me. Very lucky considering my age.

A bit of advice, if you trust your director (unfortunately I will not again) still verify everything they are supposed to do and get some other prices on services they offer but do not have to perform (flowers, engraving of the stone etc.) Make sure you view the casket inside and out prior to it being covered with flowers. Be specific about the vault if you purchase one. None of this should be necessary considering what you are dealing with at the time but with some unfortunately it is. You're spending a large sum of money.

Don't intend on a grim post and I know it's not a pleasant subject and that many will not require this advice. This is for those that do, hope it helps. Enough said and hope no one requires any of this advice for a

l o n g l o n g time.

:wacko:

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Judge64

· #2 · Sep 22, 2020 (Edited by Moderator)

Sorry for your loss.....

I'm sure all of that can be overwhelming and your advice is good because it is a subject few want to talk about or plan to deal with down the road.

I lost my dad 4 years ago and I was fortunate that he planned and prepaid for my parents funerals. My parents picked everything in advance. The funeral director went over everything and we could make changes if we wanted to but I was glad my dad had the foresight to plan everything so it didn't fall on our shoulders. The only thing I really had to deal with was writing and delivering the eulogy and planning the after service lunch.

My mom's still alive but again I won't have a lot to deal with when the time comes. That being said..... my wife and I have not really planned for the inevitable so this is a good reminder that we should talk about it and plan for it.

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vinci_78

· #3 · Sep 22, 2020

Im sorry for you loss. Sometimes it feels weird to 'shop around' and get quotes when you are dealing with such loss. Sadly many people get hosed and just roll over given the difficulty of what they are dealing with. Its a topic many, including myself could use some education on. peace

Reactions: 2

Go Fast or Go Home

· #4 · Sep 23, 2020

My parents paid for and prearranged their funerals so everything was how they wanted things to be.

My wife and I have done the same. It is a small piece of mind knowing our children will not have to worry about making arrangements and especially not having the financial burden fall on them..

However, as mentioned above, make sure everything is a written and signed contract.

Don~

Reactions: 2

Saluda

Discussion Starter · #5 · Sep 23, 2020 (Edited by Moderator)

Unfortunately it was her wish to use this particular home so I had to honor that and it left me no choice or room to shop around.

She was also against cremation.

Judge64

· #6 · Sep 23, 2020 (Edited by Moderator)

My mother is the same way.... she had very specific instructions so I am glad it is all taken care of and I won't need to deal with it when the time comes.

I will say this..... as Saluda said... funerals are very expensive and I'm sure there are some unscrupulous funeral directors out there that take advantage of people's grief when their mind isn't clear. But it is a tough job. I can't imagine going to work every day to deal with people who are grieving, upset, highly emotional, etc. and a lot of cases when tragedy is involved. It would not be for me.

A little over 30 years ago I worked in the Crime Lab in Pittsburgh. My first day on the job a guy I went to high school with who also worked there took me to the Coroners Office to watch some autopsies. I have a pretty strong stomach so I was able to handle it but that is another job I could not imagine having to do every day.... no matter how much they paid me.

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groo

· #7 · Sep 23, 2020

Another thing to consider is the pre-payinng. That can be a scam too. The MIL had to go through it for her last husband. They screwed her. They basically claimed the prepay was a fund for paying for the funeral, and made her pay more because prices went up. They figured you are stick at that point. Very dirty. It doesn't help that all the local funeral ho.es are owned by 1 entity either. It's a scam all around.

Skywagon

· #8 · Sep 24, 2020

I read the book "The American Way Of Death" when I was in high school, it was eye opening back then and still relevant today. Since that time I have been involved in planning three funerals all in different homes, the information that was learned from reading that book helped me make more informed choices, as I knew going in what to possibly expect from the funeral director.

My sister is taking care of my mothers future funeral arrangement as she has POA and I am 1400 miles away, it will be straight forward, cremation with the ceremony to take place at a later date. My sister had worked out the details with the funeral director and pre-paid the expenses a couple of years ago so she would not have to deal with it at the time of death, this year the funeral home went bankrupt and is out of business, not a great amount of money was lost, but it does highlight what could happen with pre-paying. I am guessing with the popularity of cremation (no more expensive coffins) and less people doing a wake at the funeral home, that some of the shine has left the funeral business.

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Hockeypuck

· #9 · Sep 24, 2020

$975 cremation complete no surprises...

Reactions: 3

InTheSticks

· #10 · Sep 25, 2020

Sorry for your loss.
My mother passed last year and she had everything (supposed too) done, when she passed we received several bills that were supposed to have been paid for a total of $4k, we were shocked, and we are still fighting with them over the headstone engraving, as it is not complete yet, they claim it was only paid to have the DOB and inscription not the DOD...who in their right mind only pays for 2/3 of the engraving? Still upset over the whole ordeal as I had to claim her left over $ as income, pay taxes on it and still had to pay all her bills which put her balance into the neg which my sister and myself have had to pay.

Saluda

Discussion Starter · #11 · Sep 25, 2020

Thanks, sorry to hear.

bullwhipman

· #12 · Sep 26, 2020

Ship me off to the nearest crematory. Toss me in the most convenient trash receptacle. Done!

Reactions: 4

schreibdave

· #13 · Sep 27, 2020

Skywagon said:
I read the book "The American Way Of Death" when I was in high school, it was eye opening back then and still relevant today. Since that time I have been involved in planning three funerals all in different homes, the information that was learned from reading that book helped me make more informed choices, as I knew going in what to possibly expect from the funeral director.

My sister is taking care of my mothers future funeral arrangement as she has POA and I am 1400 miles away, it will be straight forward, cremation with the ceremony to take place at a later date. My sister had worked out the details with the funeral director and pre-paid the expenses a couple of years ago so she would not have to deal with it at the time of death, this year the funeral home went bankrupt and is out of business, not a great amount of money was lost, but it does highlight what could happen with pre-paying. I am guessing with the popularity of cremation (no more expensive coffins) and less people doing a wake at the funeral home, that some of the shine has left the funeral business.

My wife is in that industry here in NY and I am pretty sure that the pre-plan money is supposed to go into a fund so that it will be there if anything happens to the funeral home. At least here in NY.

Reactions: 3

Go Fast or Go Home

· #14 · Sep 27, 2020

schreibdave said:
My wife is in that industry here in NY and I am pretty sure that the pre-plan money is supposed to go into a fund so that it will be there if anything happens to the funeral home. At least here in NY.

Agreed.

I have a friend that owns two funeral homes and pre-paid funeral arrangements are regulated, and are audited on a regular basis. If the funeral home is sold or should go bankrupt the money is guaranteed and the price quoted you can NOT go up.

Don~

Reactions: 2

Skywagon

· #15 · Sep 27, 2020

schreibdave said:
My wife is in that industry here in NY and I am pretty sure that the pre-plan money is supposed to go into a fund so that it will be there if anything happens to the funeral home. At least here in NY.

My mother is in a Memory Care facility in the Denver area, I will pass that info on to my sister, maybe she can dig a little deeper. Thank you.

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2stroke800

· #16 · Sep 29, 2020

I just dealt with all this last week for my dad... everything was supposedly already “taken care of”, but still ended up with a few large death related bills. Plus the cost of flying from ak to co short notice, rental cars, hotels, food, etc etc etc.... and missing a week of work. I would hate to know how much it would cost if things were not taken care of ahead of time...

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Saluda

Discussion Starter · #17 · Sep 29, 2020

The more I discuss this subject with people the more I realize that there are a good percentage of firms that attempt to take advantage of people at a very vulnerable time. When you realize what they charge in relation to how short a period of time the whole process takes the cost is kind of scary.

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Arjuhasek

· #18 · 15 d ago

It's been a long time but thanks for sharing!

Arjuhasek

· #19 · 15 d ago

MX-Z Man

· #20 · 14 d ago

^^^ A funeral post, really?

Are you a scammer, spammer, or actually thankful for the info?

Sorry we have to ask.

Reactions: 3

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